Green eggs and ham



Image credit: Dr. Seuss wiki

 F-ing hell: it’s TfL!  I do not like that TfL...

Do you like commuting hell?

I do not like it, TfL: I do not like commuting hell.

Would you like it here?  Or there?

I would not like it here or there.  I would not like it anywhere.  I do not like commuting hell: I do not like it TfL.

Would you like it on a train?  Would you like it in the rain?

I would not like it on a train.  I would not like it in the rain.  I would not like it here or there.  I would not like it anywhere.  I do not like commuting hell: I do not like it TfL!

Would you like it on a boat?  Or because of swans that float?

Not on a boat; not because of swans (I hope).  Not on a train, and not in the rain.  I would not like it here or there, I would not like it anywhere.  I do not like commuting hell: I do not like it TfL!

You may have it sans reprieve.  You may have it due to leaves.  You may have it on a bus.  You may have it while you rush.

Not on a bus, not while I rush.  Because of leaves?  I can’t conceive!  I do not want it on a boat, due to swans and things that float.  I do not want it on a train, I do not want it in the rain.  I do not want it here or there.  I do not want it ANYWHERE.  I do not want commuting hell: I do not want it TfL!

Say!  In the dark?  On a tube in the dark!  Would you like it in the dark?

I would not like it in the dark.

What about if there’s a strike?  Would you still not like it on your bike?

I would not like it on my bike, I could not like it in a strike.  Not in the dark, not on a bus.  I do not like it when I rush.  Because of leaves?  Come on: Jeez!  I do not want it on a boat, due to swans and things that float.  I do not want it on a train, I do not want it in the rain.  I do not want it here or there.  I do not want it ANYWHERE.  I do not want commuting hell: I do not want it TfL!

Would you like it in a car?  Traffic jams, traffic jams: here they are!

I would not like it in a car.

Would you like engineering works?

I think poor planning makes you jerks.  I would not like it in a car (your road service is just sub-par), I would not like it on my bike, I could not like it in a strike.  I do not like it on a bus.  I do not like it when I rush.  I do not want it on a boat, or due to swans (just get your coat).  I do not want it on a train, I do not want it in the rain.  I do not want it here or there.  I do not want it ANYWHERE.  Because of leaves?  Listen, please!  I do not want commuting hell: I do not like it TfL.

If service we must regulate?

That just makes everybody late.

Fault might be found with tube train doors...

Don’t use that one, I implore!  To regulate makes us all late.  I think poor planning makes you jerks, ‘specially with your massive perks!  I do not like it on my bike, I would not like it my car (with road conditions what they are).  Not in a strike, not on a bus, not when my hike becomes a rush.  I do not want it on a boat, or due to swan (or pig or goat).  I do not want it on a train, I do not want it in the rain.  I do not want it here or there.  I do not want it ANYWHERE.  Because of leaves I stand and freeze?  I do not want commuting hell: I do not like it TfL.

Signal Failure, I don’t know, fire in the depths below?  Flood, suspension, broken stairs?  Understaffing?  Christ, who cares!  Driver changes, too-large crowds, red signals on the underground.  Security and illness next: no end to how my journey’s hexed!  Hear me now and hear me well: I do not like commuting hell!

You do not like it, so you say, but try it: try it and you may!  Try it and you may I say!

Try it and I may, you say?  I ‘try it’ EVERY SINGLE DAY! A little leaf can cause such grief?  Faulty doors: I know the score.  Keep your perks, you stupid jerks, just give me a train that works!  To regulate makes us all late.  I do not like it on my bike, I would not like it my car (though prefer it to your trains by far).  Not in a strike, not on a bus, not when my hike becomes a rush.  I do not want it on a boat, or due to swan (or pig or goat).  I do not want it on a train, I do not want it in the rain.  I do not want it here or there.  I do not want it ANYWHERE. 

I do not want commuting hell: I DO NOT LIKE IT TfL.

On a steel horse I ride

Yesterday's journey home was less than ideal.  A two-minute delay on the tube from Edgware Road to Waterloo caused me to miss my connecting train to Hersham, which was also two minutes late.  Taken together, this made me 28 minutes late getting home.  Fortunately, I did not miss saying good night to my daughter, so I do not intend to apply for the death penalty as punishment.

This morning, the train from Hersham to Waterloo arrived a minute late.  No explanation was given for this, but as best I could surmise it was due to stopping for a while between stations to admire the view.  It didn't affect which connecting tube I was able to get, though, thanks to that one being delayed in departing Waterloo, so I'll just charge for the two minutes late that one was.

Tally: 30 minutes / £75.

Meanwhile, Out-Law reports on a motion calling for Boris Johnson to use some of TfL's annual surplus in revenues to help build more affordable homes in the capital.  Each year for the last three years, such surpluses have totalled around £250,000,000.  No doubt TfL would claim that money is being re-invested into its top executives' pockets making improvements to the service. 

I have to admit to being torn on this one: I see the importance of the affordable homes argument, but I sure as hell see the point in TfL working as advertised.  Where do you think the money should go?

Sold down the river

Two-minute delay from Edgware Road to Waterloo yesterday afternoon, which we'll forgive as it didn't cause me to miss the connecting train to Hersham.  That was four minutes late, though, so it'll cost £10.

This morning, the journey was from Hampton Court to Edgeware Road via Waterloo.  The train was a minute late arriving, causing me to take a connecting tube that was two minutes later than should otherwise have been possible, itself delayed by four minutes.  Six minutes delay overall for another £15.

Elsewhere in the Tubeverse, there's welcome news for Northern Line passengers: as early as next year, an improved signalling system will allow for a 20% capacity increase on what is the tube’s busiest line.  That equates to an extra 11,000 customers every hour.  I'll believe it when I see it, but let's pretend I'm cautiously optimistic for the time being.

And if you enjoy commuting in the bitter cold and wet, there are plans to let you better enjoy your weird hobby: 11 additional riverboat stops will adorn our River Thames by 2020.  A bit of a long wait, if it happens at all, but if you like the discomfort of the wet and cold anyway, what's a long wait, right?

That's it for the moment.